...i'll only stop loving you when the earth goes flat

Ang cheesy-sounding ng title ko. Sino kaya love ko? Hmm. Well, duh. Syempre si Lord. Pinagaling niya pa ung right ankle ko.

Yhey! Medyo nawawala na ung sakit sa twisted ankle ko. Actually kagabi, sobrang gusto kong sumigaw everytime na gagalaw ung foot ko sa bed kasi sobrang sakit talaga. Pero paggising ko, yhey! Medyo nawala na. Nag-work ung prayers ko. Thank you Lord! Seryoso, parang na-reduce ng more than twice ung sakit. Na-bebend ko na rin siya ng kaunti unike yesterday na sobrang kinakagat ung lips ko para lang di sumigaw. So thank you talaga Lord!

And inannounce na na until 12 noon lang kami ngayon. Yhey uli! Makaka-uwi ako sa province ng hindi super late. Feeling ko, kung mga 1pm kami makakaalis dito, baka around 5-6 pm na kami makakarating. Asar, ang layo. Pero, oh well.

...i'm so clumsy

I feel oh-so happy now. Siguro na-badtrip lang ako kasi super dumi ng rubber shoes ko tapos medyo pagod rin ako and walang nangyayaring maganda/masaya sa mundo kaya ako na-emo. Pero anyway, I'm happy happy happy now kahit medyo wala pa ring nagbabago.

Nakakainis lang kasi ung Physics! Akala ko late na ako kaya tumakbo ako from dorm to ASTB. Pero may mga tao, kaya iniwasan ko. Pero sa sobrang pagmamadali ko, medyo na-out of balance ako. Medyo lang kasi na-control ko pa rin, pero 'click!' Nag-twist ung right ankle ko pero tumakbo pa rin kasi 12:12 na yata noon. Feeling ko, ilan beses ako nakasabi ng sh** habang umaakyat. Buti na lang, walang ibang tao. Tapos, pagdating ko nang 3rd floor -- kainis! Asa corridor lang sila. Wala pa pala. Saka ko lang talga na-feel ung sakit. Grabe. As in, gusto ko nang umiyak noon. Kasi nabigla ko pang na-bend kaya mas lalong sumakit.

Tapos, wala lang. Abnormal ako maglakad. Parang abnormal na penguin or parang lasing. Ewan. Pero medyo na-cocontrol ko pa naman. Not like noong last year. Grabe! Kasi ung art na bbq sticks. Dala ko tapos di ko nakita ung tatapakan ko kaya nahulog ako sa stairs ng dorm. Three or four steps lang naman. HIndi siguro dapat masakit un kung hindi lang ung right ankle ko uli ung nauna. Sobrang naiiyak na talaga ako noon, pero tinawa ko na lang kasi well, clumsiness ko lang naman un eh. So un, ang labo nga eh. Kasi naalala ko pa, nakipag-race pa ako kina Elysse and Josh papuntang caf after. Syempre, naunahan nila ako kahit 'tumatakbo' na ako. Hahah. So un. Natatawa tuloy ako. Ang weird. I think, mga 2 days ako na hindi nakapaglakad ng matino.

Pero, medyo okay na rin ung paa ko. Masakit lang siya ng kaunti kapag masyado ko iniikot-ikot. Pero nakakapaglakad na ako ng straight. Siguro nasanay na ako dati. Hahah. Oh well.

...rain a bit harder, please

(A random emo-ish post)

I don't feel like going to school tomorrow. In fact, I don't feel like my usual self today. Trying to fake everything with a smile, just as a concealer hides everything unwanted to be seen. I feel so moody these past few days, though most people fail to recognize it. I guess I'm a good concealer then.

(No, I'm not being 'plastic' when I said I just smile to look like everything's okay when something's really wrong. It's just that I don't want people to see me look down and bother to ask what's with me and I won't give them an answer.)

I feel so low. I feel depressed. I feel so down. I feel frustrated. I feel so bad.

I don't know, I don't feel like being oh-so carefree and laid-back today. I'm not pretty sure if it's even about my grades getting oh-so low for the 2nd quarter. I mean, I'm used to low grades now. Why would I even bother that much. I can't say I'm stressed with school requirements. Compared to the past, this week and the last was quite easy for us. So now, I wonder what's really wrong with me.

I tried sleeping all my thoughts away. But nothing happened. I tried eating chocolates today. But nothing happened. I tried reading the hardcore Bio book for tomorrow. But nothing happened. I tried typing my moodiness away. But nothing happened.

If only life was a bit more easier.

Rain a bit harder, please.

Rain. Rain. Rain.

...retreat memories, day 3

Sunday, October 19, 2008

We woke up the usual time, dressed up the usual clothes, and had the usual day, only there's something different that's happening today - we're already leaving a few hours from now.

Right after breakfast, we started saying goodbye to the place. We took some pictures. After some time, there was a batch prayer thing. And I really really like Mymy and Josh Dizon's performance. It was so beautiful and heart-touching. Then we burned all our bad habits and attitudes and bade them goodbye before attending the Holy Mass. Then the batch pic under the sun. Then it was packing up time. After lunch, we started boarding the bus.

And that's when I felt like crying once again, this time because of the feeling of leaving the place where you spent some happy times with your friends. Despite being there for just about three days and two nights, I feel so attached to the place where I find myself sharing laughter and tears with some of the closest people in my life. Despite the many rules our batch broke, despite the not-so-cozy management, despite being sleepless and having a room where our heater isn't working and doorknobs eternally locked, it feels just so great. When we signed the tarpaulin, it feels like I am part of an event that changed my life forever.

I never had regrets for attending this retreat. I felt closer to God, I understand myself better, and know my friends more. Now I know why they say high school life is the best. It's the time when we start to experience a lot of failures, heartbreaks, losses. But it's also in this time when we start to gain true friends who would never leave you crying in the dark.

As the bus started to move, I was staring at the window wishing that one day, we'd all return to that same place where our realizations in life took place, and where friendships grew stronger than ever.

"...We were strangers starting out on a journey... Now here I stand, unafraid of the future at the beginning with you..."

PS. We found our phone on top of the cabinet. We were thinking of making a last prank call but thanks to our newly repaired conscience, we didn't do it. lol

...retreat memories, day 2

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Our phones rang in intervals, and by 5:15 am, we were all awake, but too lazy to take a bath. By 7:20, we were all ready. We took a little detour in Ralph and Roger's 'manor' as they call it before we went to attend to Mass. Well, their place really looks like a townhouse compared to our 'beach house cottages'.

There were three scheduled talks for the day, although one seems to be more of an activity than a talk. Anyway, the first speaker went in front holding a guitar. I thought it was one of those boring speakers who could make you sleep in a matter of seconds. He first talked about the Prodigal Son, then him being a marijuana addict and dealer before, then he started talking about his real achievements in life. I was really touched by the way he talked about his family, especially his son. I really liked what he said about carrying your child as much as you can 'coz you'd miss it when you won't be able to in time. Then there was his song # 8: "...I don't wanna close my eyes, i don't wanna fall asleep, 'coz I'll miss you Robi, and I don't wanna miss a thing..." Then, the kid whispering to him "...You know what, you're the best dad in the world..." Then everything seemed to be a blur when I realized tears were already rolling down my eyes. Then he sang again, this time a Filipino version of "I Will Be Here" which made my cry even more. Then he asked us to hug our friends and I felt like I was relieved more than ever. After his wonderful song, I dried my tears and saw that the people in front of me were doing the same. Who would have thought these guys know how to cry as well. So yeah. Kuya Obet was the only speaker who really made me cry like that, and I can say he was one of those who really made a great impact on me.

The Amazing Race maybe was suppose to be fun, but to be honest, it was the most boring part that happened this day. Maybe because our group wasn't in the mood to unite so much and all. I can't believe Fadi was the only one who crossed the fire wall while some groups. only had two people left. So maybe it all depends on the group spirit.

We were also given a chance to confess. I'm not sure, but I think it has been a year since my last confession. And I was able to open up more, so I feel happy after.

The third talk in the afternoon was about Love, Sex, and Life. You know, the iKeepLoveReal talks. I thought it was going to be a repeat of what they told us before, it was different and actually more funny than what most of us had expected. Talking about funny, who wouldn't agree that the guy speaker was totally hilarious. I wouldn't be surprised if he becomes a stand-up comedian one day. But mind you, he's a doctor, although I'm not sure what field he specializes in.

We were given the rest of the afternoon for our one-on-one talks with our assigned facilitators. Then we kinda explored the place. Oh, and the InterCom phones were hidden because prank calls reached Fr. Mon's and even the owner's rooms late at midnight. Then we also discovered that there was a souvenir shop near the gate.

When we have nothing else to do, we just stayed in the room and talked and laughed and shared stories.

Then, finally after dinner, one of our most anticipated part of the retreat. We were first given candles. Even outside the Conference Room, while we were waiting for some more people, I felt so joyed being with my friends. As corny as it may get, I still have to say it feels good staring at the beautiful night sky glittering with pretty stars, hiding from paparazzi pics, posing for group and class pics.

We finally entered the room, and it was so dark when only a big candle is lighting the whole room. After everyone had their candles lighted, we got our envelopes and started reading our Palanca letters. I was really surprised to see my envelope with some 12 or so letters when I was really only expecting five. I was so happy. Reading those letters made me so happy.

After that, we had banana cupcakes with chocolate chips on top. And since, it's our last night, we were given an extra hour to spend good time with our dear friends. Of course, we had our own kalukohans. We had so much fun laughing our hearts out and singing at the top of our voices and laughing like we never knew any worries in the world. This was the best night I ever had with my friends and I'm sure everyone of us feels the same.

...i just realized it's already 3rd quarter and i'm still failing

Seriously. I have this feeling that almost all my grades will go down this quarter. As in, it would be a miracle if at least two will remain the same. Right now, I wanna say goodbye to my unos and hello to 2.25s and 2.50s.

And I just wanna rant for being doing really bad in my elocution a while ago in English. I feel like I really really suck. I mean, I memorized it and all. But to be honest, I never knew what right emotions I should be placing there. So I ended up having impromptu actions which, right now, made me think like I was crazy talking in there. Despite staring at those 14 lines of expressive words for three days, I never internalized the piece in a way that seems right. Aagh! I feel so bad! And to think Ma'am Bernal was expecting so much from us since we had so much time to practice. Anyways, it's all over now and I'm just relieved I'm done. No worries for tomorrow. I just hope Ma'am would be considerate enough to give me a 2.00 and I'd be so happy. Yhey! It's Friday once again! This week seem to be so fast. I barely noticed of the time passing. As in seriously. Maybe I got to appreciate more of the things around me this time. Oh well.

Oh, and today's my lil bro's birthday! Happy 11th birthday Joseph Ryan (the Pokemon Master wannabe)!! I love yah despite all the naughtiness and evilness you have! I miss you! :D

...retreat memories, day 1

Friday, October 17, 2008

Five hours away from Metro Manila, I have to wake up as early as 4:30 am to prepare for the long travel ahead of me. Little did I know that there's so much ahead of me more than what I expected. I slept during half of the travel time going to Manila. Whenever I wake up, I tried finishing Memoirs or munch on some snacks I brought along with me. We arrived earlier than expected so we dropped by at Trinoma and ate lunch before they dropped me at Pisay.

And woah! There were already a lot of people at the front lob. I spotted some of my classmates busy placing their pretty Palanca letters in individual envelopes while talking about how fun and boring our sembreak was. It took about half an hour (?) before they announced our bus assignments and boarded the bus. And on my estimate, it took another half an hour before we finally left Pisay. The bus ride was not too loud. Maybe we were either busy talking quietly with our seatmate, taking naps, reading, eating, or watching Don't Mess with the Zohan and Mama Mia. Oh, did I mention that Mama Mia is like the oldies version of High School Musical, although I think it's better than the kiddies craze nowadays. And Zohan was funny.

If I remember correctly, we arrived at Angel's Hills at around 3:30 pm. And the place is really pretty. It reminds me of my childhood when we go to Baguio every summer vacation. Anyway, since we were lagging off with our schedule, we were hurriedly led to the Conference Room for the Orientation and Room Assigning. And while the management was speaking of the House Rules, we were "noisy and not listening" to him so he just walked out. Talking about oversensitivity. Well actually, we were listening. If we weren't, then how would we make all those side comments on what he was talking about. Umbrella. And dude, haven't you realized that despite being tagged as the 'Iskolar ng Bayan', we are all kids teens getting excited and all. Uh, never mind. So we were just assigned with our room. I'm with LC, Hanna, and Oona -- Room 19A. We were given an hour or so for fixing our stuffs and roaming around the grounds.

Then there was a talk at around 6 pm. I thought it was one of those walkout-dudes again who's going to talk about not being good boys and girls inside their grounds. So I was quite relieved when I saw Fr. Mon standing with microphone. And he taught us this Latin song. I think it was Ho Bosigno di Te. I'm not pretty sure with the title, but anyway. It was fun!

Then we had dinner. Then we had a batch unity thing. Gosh. The human bingo. Some people actually it too seriously. But some, (like me!) did it just for fun! Oh, and I almost forgot to mention Mark Doronila's love letter Palanca letter for Estelle. Then there was a huge boardgame with a huge fragile(?) dice! The Surpanakha remake scene. The gummy snakes. The dance numbers (especially Mam Docto's and Sir Chuckie's). And Franco. It was quite disturbing, but totally fun!

Then we set our alarms at 5 am. And just when we where about to sleep, we received a call from Ralph, then from Roger, then from a random number, then from someone not talking, then from another one. Finally, they put as to rest.

...happy to be back(?)

Grabe. Super tagal ko na pala di nakapag-post. Kakatamad eh. Anyway. Since requirement na yata 'tong blog namin for like forever in ComSci 3, I have no other choice but post and post..

Anyway, hah. Wala ako masabi ngayon. Hmm, well I'm enjoying myself with Kenny Roger's muffins. Ang weird. Throughout all my life eating there, ngayon ko lang nalaman na may muffin pala sila na instead of corn ang toppings, parang mini-Oreo ung nasa taas. Wala lang. Para kasing weird. Pero anyway, masarap din siya. Or siguro, kasi un lang ung lunch ko at super gutom na ako kaya ako nasarapan. Pero, oh well. Never mind.

Christmas Countdown:
It's 64 days before Christmas!
Hooray, presents!

...my not-so-boring not-so-fun sembreak

Isolation. That's how I felt when our internet was broke for a whole week. And with no classes, I have nothing else to do but stare at the ceiling and daydream. For six days, I only had 5 things in mind - sleep, eat, read, watch, sleep. Here's what I did while waiting for the Retreat.

Saturday - I overslept and found myself alone in the house. They all left for the mall and left me behind, thinking I need to get more sleep and rest. I scavenged for some food in the cabinet, opened my laptop and found out that the internet's not working. I ended up grabbing Memoirs of a Geisha and started reading it.

Sunday - My college cousins are having their sembreak (as in the real 3 week kind of sembreak) so we hitched a ride with my tito and tita who went to Clark to shop for something. Afterwards, we went home not in Metro Manila but in the province. Home, sweet home. It's been 5 months since the last time I've been in Dagupan. I never knew my little brother brought 2 cute guinea pigs who now have a cuter baby. And boya are they fat! What I also missed was my favorite teddy bear I had 15 years now. Oh, how I hugged him so tight!

Monday - As much as I really really really REALLY want to, I wasn't able to go to the Camia reunion since I'm 5 hours away from Trinoma. Aww, I really feel so bad. I miss them so much but feel helpless knowing not how to commute from Dagupan to Manila. Instead, I continue reading Memoirs.

Tuesday - I originally planned to do STR today and realized that I left some of the papers back at the dorm. So I had a hard time re-planning our research all over again. I hate my too-forgetful brain!

Wednesday - Continue cramming STR. I managed to ask my lil bro to go with me and find a nearby internet cafe to submit it. Of course he agreed. He was able to play and surf the net as well. But we didn't stay to long. You know how internet cafes are. A lot of guys shouting while playong DotA and stuff. I got irritated at a boy sitting near my brother who told a hundred words of profanities and curses.

Thursday - There's nothing left to do. I continued reading Memoirs. Late at night, I started packing my stuff for tomorrow. We'd be leaving early to catch up the 12 noon assemby time.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday - That's a whole new different story.

Christmas Countdown:
It's 67 days before Christmas!
'Tis the season to be jolly!

...my pre-physics long test rants

Six more questions on my Physics homework and I'm done! And now I'm here to rant on our upcoming Physics long test.

Why do they have to make such a fuss if we make guesses on our Physics long test. They're lessening our chance to have better grades, and in fact makes our lives even worse. I'd rather get a zero than a negative on my paper. What if we were not guessing, what if we really think that what we wrote is the right answer, and we made a mistake? I mean, we have to admit, not all of us are Physics geniuses here. They're making Physics harder and harder as if they haven't seen us suffer getting low, low grades last quarter. And how are we suppose to learn from our mistakes when we are too afraid to make one? What if life was designed to be that way? Then I bet by now, our life expectancy would have reached 30 since everyone would have committed suicide. I can't seem to find a valid point on why they have to give us a right-minus-wrong test. It's just, you know, crap. So yeah, I hate Physics right now.

And before I end up ranting even longer, I'd stop here and make up my mind on whether I should study for ComSci or not. As for Physics, it's just plain crap.

Christmas Countdown:
It's 76 days before Christmas!
I hope everything goes well for me soon.

...it's one crazy day for me

Yhep. This day is 99% happy happy happy! The 1% goes to Physics homework, Physics long test (which is another right minus wrong test) and ComSci long test. But I doubt that I'd be studying for both and start my homework tonight.

I finished my part for the Health baby book. We successfully and luckily finished our group poem for Fil and I think I'm okay with my two crappy indiv poems. So all in all, I'm fine.

And I think I've gone a bit too crazy a while ago. Well, who could blame me? I really am crazy and shallow. Anyway. Here's some of what happened today.
-It's Kit's and Oona's birthday celebration. K and Mg people had food. There's pizza and donuts and soda. Happy Birthday guys!
-Courtney was so funny when she said "niwasak-wasak nila ung sembreak natin". Peace, Courtney!
-Our Fil group had a crazy idea that whenever we'd be lacking a syllable in a line, we'd just add "Yeah!" If 2 syllables are missing, we'd add "Oh yeah!"
-We were thinking of burning the Physics unit. lol
-When Goma and I were thinking for our Chinese board games, we had some weird funny ideas. Like a snakes-and-ladders game, only, the ladders would be the Great Wall of China or something. And I said, why not Chinese Checkers. Crap. I'm being stupid.
-Arvin and Jed were really funny. Since Arvin had been giving the reason of having a door as his only house in covering up for his unfinished Health, Jed said that he could cut that door -- "o diba, wood carvings, astig." And Arvin had been too resourceful that he used my explanations for his. Like example, my sentence was "Milk is rich in nutrients, and vitamins and minerals which the baby needs for comfort." His would be "Clothes are rich in fiber and cotton which the baby needs for comfort." Very creative. And too resourceful.
-We were thinking of adding a little twist at the end of a poem. As in, we'd make it like a chain letter or something of the sort. Something like "ipasa mo sa sampung kaibigan, kundi ika'y mumultuhin ko." But we weren't able to pursue with that. Oh well. Actually, ours isn't horror. It's more of a comedy with a tinge of action.

So yeah. I had a great time today. But ahww. I'm too sleepy at the moment. Might as well doze off to sleep.

...too early in morning

I just had a weird but cool (but still really weird) dream a few minutes ago. Maybe listening to a single song again and again(which was, I have to say, accidentally set on repeat mode until I drowsed off) have some effects on my brain. And despite me wanting to go back to sleep badly, the dream just bugs my mind so much I can't even stand lie still in my bed for a minute. So I decided to work on my English long test an hour earlier than what I had planned.
(I'm trying to be productive here.)

It's actually the first time I read the questions, and I realized this are essay questions, as in the REAL ones. And by real, I mean the essay that needs your brain to really think of your opinion hard and defend it and all, and not just those that requires elaborate brief and concise explanations on an already defined topic. So yeah, I'm in trouble. I don't think I can do something good today while my brain is still wandering of to think of what dream I just had.

And as a proof to what I had just said, here's my answer to number 8. (Write a poem about a topic related to poverty.):

COINS

Cling, cling, cling.
Coins clinging and a-clashing,
Coins that shake in a cup
For a little child's living.
In filthy rags,
In sullied shoes,
Children walk the muddy streets
In search of coins they could use.
Running down in alleys,
Scampering like mice
Do boys and girls beg for coins
For everything now has a price.
Aching grinding stomachs,
Dehydrated mouths
Drives the innocence out of a child
In pursuit of coins from north to south.
Small hopes and simple dreams
Shattered and have gone astray
In a shanty where they count the coins
That big people had thrown away.
Cling, cling, cling.
Coins clinging and a-clashing,
Coins that shake in a cup
For a little child's living.

So yeah. It's just plain crap that went inside my head. But I have no other choice but to submit this along with two more answers which I haven't even started on.

Christmas Countdown:
It's 77 days before Christmas!
I wonder what gifts I'd be receiving. :D

...i have no other titles in mind

YEHEY!

Perio exams are finally over! It's just finish-your-requirements-time for tomorrow and on Friday, and a whole week of no-school-no-classes next week! Finally, a time to loosen up and relax.

But really, I personally don't like the idea of cutting our sembreak into three pieces. Damn that fire.

*Currently scheduling my cramming time for my English long test. Yhep, professional crammers sometimes make schedules too.*

Christmas Countdown:
It's 78 days before Christmas!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!

...hah

Wow. Six days without classes. Now that's fun.

Today's the first day of perio. Noooo!!

Christmas Countdown:
It's 80 days before Christmas!
It's oh-so near.