...just another angel from heaven

My first "matinong" post is going to be a bit emo. Sorry.

With an angel sent from heaven,
My life shall never end...

I guess everything really has a purpose on this world, in the sense that we learn a little bit of something from anything. I realized this while I was watching Cardcaptor Sakura.

I was serious when I said this. But before anything else, I have to confess that I'm a crybaby at times, just trying hard to keep my tears from the people around me.

After watching Episode 25, I found myself crying alone in my room. It was all about the Mirror Card imitating Sakura, which in the end caused her brother, Toyo, to fall down a cliff. And it's all because he cares. To clear things a bit, I wasn't crying because he got unconscious. Maybe because of the fact that I'm a crybaby that tears just suddenly blurted out of my eyes and rolled down. Toya is one of my favorite characters in this anime because I see in him what I had been wanting to have ever since -- an elder brother.

I've always thought I was the eldest up until I was about six years old. I still remember how I first learned of it. My father said we're going to visit him on the cemetery for it was the first of November. At first I was in doubt, thinking that it was one of my father's jokes despite the seriousness in his tone. Only after seeing his name carved on the marble did it struck me hard. I read the dates of his birth and death and realized he had only lived for quite some time, not more than a month. I was silent, and I prayed that he is in heaven watching over us.

He should be a year older than me by now. Although there was never a picture of him that I saw in our house, I can somehow imagine his features -- his beautiful eyes are deep and expressive, and a wonderful smile carved on his striking countenance. When I was Grade 4, I prayed that one day, he'd show up, even as a ghost, that I want to hug him and tell him I miss him and that I really want him to be alive. Even until now, I still find myself in tears whenever the thought of him passes through my mind.

I know that that will never come true. I'd never have my kuya back even if I cry every night, pleading him to go here as if he never passed away. But you know what, I realized. He had always been with me all along. He's my guardian angel who had kept me safe and had been with me for the past fourteen years of my life.